js-My Brother Wants Me To Skip College So I Can Stay Nearby And Take Care Of My Autistic Nephew, But…

My Brother Wants Me To Skip College So I Can Stay Nearby And Take Care Of My Autistic Nephew, But…

My brother wants me to skip college, so I can stay nearby and take care of my autistic nephew, but now he has lost my sister and our parents as caregivers. Some context. My sister and I are both in our early 30s, and we have an older brother. He is currently in his second marriage.

His first marriage gave us my nephew Connor, who is 15 years old and autistic. When Connor was born, my former sister-in-law’s family became their support system. My parents were also part of that support system, but my sister and I were not. This led to many arguments until I told my parents they could either keep indulging my brother and his family and lose contact with me, or respect my boundaries and keep me in their lives.

They agreed to respect my boundaries. Eventually, my brother got divorced because of marital problems, one of which was that his ex-wife insisted my sister and I should be more involved and help out more. I felt bad for him, and I still do, but I wasn’t going to change my position. Neither was my sister. I had been living out of state for a while and recently accepted a new job offer closer to home.

It came with a nice bonus, so I decided to invite my parents, my sister, brother to dinner at my favorite Korean barbecue restaurant. My parents confirmed that it wasn’t my brother’s week with my nephew, so everything seemed fine. About a week before I returned home, my brother called and said something had come up with his ex, so he would have Connor the following week, and his current wife would be out of town with her sisters.

I told him that wasn’t a problem and asked whether he wanted to call Connor’s regular babysitter. I offered to pay for the babysitter for the evening of our dinner. He said no, that he wanted to bring Connor to dinner and asked if we could change the restaurant because Connor gets overstimulated. I told him no, it was my dinner, I was paying for it, and I was going to my favorite restaurant.

He said, “You know your nephew really can’t handle a place like that, right?” I told him that yes, I knew, which was exactly why I had offered to pay for a babysitter that night. He argued that he would simply bring Connor with him. I told him he was welcome to do that, but if he did, I wouldn’t be there, so it would just be him and our parents.

He told me that was wrong and said that if Connor became overstimulated, he would simply take take outside until he calmed down. I reminded him that the last time we went to a Korean barbecue restaurant, Connor had a meltdown and they had to leave. My parents always feel bad for Connor, so they usually leave, too, and go to my brother’s house to help.

I told him I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted to have a nice dinner without having to worry about any of that. He told me off and hung up. We went to dinner, just my sister, my parents, and me. It was a nice dinner. My parents enjoyed it, too, but they said they wished my brother had come. I agreed.

Then they said they also wished my nephew had come. I disagreed. I said it probably would have ended with my brother leaving after maybe 30 or 40 minutes, and they would have followed him. They agreed, but said I should have let him come anyway and simply dealt with it. I said that sounded like a pretty good reason not to let him come.

We didn’t talk much more for the rest of the evening after that. Am I the  Edit one. Someone suggested that I post this here. I have taken care of Connor before. Even now, I watch him for a few hours if my brother needs to do something, but I don’t watch him all day or overnight. None of this is Connor’s fault, and he is by no means a bad kid.

However, I had to establish boundaries because my parents and my brother, especially his ex-wife, would take a mile if you gave them an inch. They wanted my sister and me to stay in the area after high school so we could help take care of him, and I wasn’t willing to do that. I did see both of them before I left because I wanted to, but I didn’t apologize for wanting to eat at my favorite restaurant and do things my way for just one night.

Whenever my brother wants to go out to dinner, we basically go to the same local restaurant because it’s quiet, doesn’t upset my nephew, and is the place he’s fixated on when it comes to food. That’s perfectly fine, and I attend those dinners, but for my dinner, I wanted to go somewhere I enjoyed. Edit two.

Sometimes I did feel bad because my former sister-in-law’s family really stepped up and helped, and so did my parents. But neither my sister nor I wanted to give up moving to other cities, pursuing our education, and living our lives just because my brother had a child. That didn’t seem fair to us, and I didn’t want to put my life on hold because of it.

We normally get along pretty well, but whenever things like this come up, I end up arguing with my brother and my parents. Update one. First, I wanted to thank everyone, both those who left positive comments and those who left negative ones, for giving me your opinions. Whether they were good or bad, I read every single one of them, even the ones calling me an Completely fair.

Although I did see my brother and Connor before I left, it was mostly to play with Connor and have a little chat with my brother. Today, I decided to call my brother to try to get more information and smooth things over. We talked for about 5 minutes before I brought up the subject. I told him I was sorry if he felt I had been unnecessarily cruel or exclusionary toward Connor, but I felt I had the right to decide how I wanted to celebrate.

He said he was sorry for reacting the way he did, and that looking back, he realized Connor would have had a terrible time, and it would have been a huge waste of money for me. The restaurant we went to cost about dollars per person, zero dollars whether Connor ate or not. He simply really wanted Connor to be there, too. I told him that from now on, for things like my birthday, I would be more than happy to have a family lunch with Connor somewhere he likes, so that he could have a good time, and then go out to dinner somewhere I wanted to eat. I

would pay for a babysitter, or his mother, my brother’s ex-wife, could look after him. He asked whether Connor would also be welcome at dinner, and I told him I didn’t think so because I still plan to go to places like Korean barbecue restaurants, hot pot restaurants, sushi restaurants, and fine dining establishments.

Connor doesn’t do well in those environments because of the lights, sounds, smells, and atmosphere. That’s why I suggested having lunch on the same day or beforehand, so that we could all celebrate together in a way that worked for him. But I also stood firm that for my birthday or something like another promotion, I wanted to go somewhere I enjoyed without having to worry.

I also pointed out that when he used to invite us to lunch once a month before I moved away, either he or our parents chose the restaurant, and they always accommodated Connor. I had no problem with that and attended almost every one of those lunches. This time, I wanted something for myself.

He wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the idea, but he said it sounded good, and that he thought Connor would enjoy it, too. He also started looking into sunglasses for Connor, as one of you suggested, to help with bright or overly stimulating environments. Then he asked me a question I knew would come up eventually.

Now that I was moving closer to home, he wanted to know whether I was going to be more involved as an uncle. I told him yes, but not in the way he probably wanted. I said I would be more than happy to visit his house and spend time with him, his wife, and Connor. I would also bring food Connor likes and babysit once or twice a month so that he and his wife could go to the movies or have dinner together.

But I wasn’t going to be an on-call babysitter like our parents. Several times he has dropped Connor off at their house for a week or a weekend with very little notice because he and his wife wanted to take a spontaneous vacation. I told him that wasn’t going to happen with me, especially because I’m in the process of adopting a cat and both he and Connor are allergic.

I wasn’t allowed to have a cat while I lived at my parents’ house, which was fine because it was their house and it wouldn’t have been fair to my brother and Connor, who visited very frequently. So leaving Connor at my new place was completely out of the question. Fortunately, my brother didn’t push the issue. He said that was fine, that mom and dad didn’t have a problem with it, and that he missed spending time with me and was happy I could be closer to Connor.

So everything went about as well as I could have hoped. I’m excited to move back home in a few weeks, and thanks again to everyone for the advice and criticism. Edit: His specialists have said they don’t believe he will ever be able to live independently because he is practically nonverbal and still very prone to meltdowns despite my brother’s best efforts. Update two: It’s me again.

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to post here again, but unfortunately, life had other plans. To provide a little context, I moved back to Los Angeles from Texas for a new job. My parents live here, as do my 40-year-old brother, his wife, and my nephew Connor, who is now 16. Connor is autistic, and although he has made a lot of progress since he was 10, he still struggles with many things.

He is nonverbal, frequently engages in stemming behaviors, and often has meltdowns. My brother, his wife, his ex-wife, and my parents are the only people who can really calm him down. I regularly babysit him once or twice a month so that my brother and his wife can go to the movies or go out. I don’t watch him overnight or for several consecutive days, and it’s always at their house.

Since our argument last time, my brother and I have been on pretty good terms. He hasn’t really pushed my boundaries regarding taking care of Connor, and we’ve repaired our relationship quite a bit. However, something recently came up that has put us on strained terms again. My brother recently received the news that he had been selected to attend a conference overseas.

His company will pay for a hotel for 10 days, and although they won’t pay for his wife to go, they have no problem with him paying for her plane ticket and everything else himself and having her share his hotel room. I’m very happy that my brother received this opportunity. The problem is child care. The conference coincides with the week my parents and my sister are going to New York to celebrate my sister’s birthday.

Nothing is refundable, and my parents promised my sister more than a year ago that they would do this. His ex-wife, Connor’s biological mother, will also be out of town for work. So, that leaves me. When he called to explain everything and ask me to take care of Connor, I said no. I then listed the reasons why I wouldn’t do it. I live about 90 minutes away.

In terms of distance, that isn’t particularly far, but Los Angeles traffic makes many things more difficult than they should be. I don’t mind making the drive once or twice a month when I’m babysitting, but I don’t want to do it for 10 consecutive days. Connor can’t come to my house because I have a cat and he’s allergic, and I also have fragile things around the house.

I don’t work from home, and Connor would still be attending school. So, I would probably have to take paid time off to make the logistics work. The longest I’ve ever taken care of Connor was about 6 hours. He had a meltdown toward the end that I couldn’t calm him down from, and the only thing that saved me was that my brother and his wife returned 20 minutes later.

I can’t imagine doing that for 10 days straight. This might sound very selfish, but I don’t want to set a precedent. If I watch him overnight even once, I know my brother and his wife will start pressuring me to do it again. I I want that to become a regular thing. I’m happy with our current arrangement where I babysit him once or twice a month and spend time with him alongside my brother and our parents.

That being said, I wouldn’t hesitate to take care of him during an emergency, but that’s an entirely different situation. I explained all of this to my brother and he wasn’t happy. He vented to me saying he thought that my moving back meant he would be able to count on me for something like this. I’ve already told him before that I’m not an on-call babysitter.

He said his wife would really like to go on this trip. I told him I was sorry, but I wasn’t going to do it. I said I would be happy to come over and help her during the weekend he was away and spend time with Connor so she could have a break, but I wasn’t going to put my own mental health at risk for 10 days or use eight days of paid leave to take care of Connor for something that wasn’t an emergency.

He said some pretty harsh things to me and hung up. He brought our parents into the family group chat and surprisingly they took my side. They said it would be a very nice gesture if I did it, but they reminded him that I had never taken care of Connor overnight and that his wife didn’t have to go on this trip.

He hasn’t spoken to me much since then. I feel bad that his wife can’t go, but I also don’t trust myself to be able to handle Connor for 10 days. Edit: Connor’s biological mother had informed my brother months in advance that she wouldn’t be able to take care of him for a five-day period because she would be working out of town.

This opportunity was something that had only recently come up for my brother and it also fell during his scheduled time with Connor. Both my parents and I have encouraged them to look into things like regional centers. Unfortunately, although my brother’s wife and Connor’s biological mother are comfortable with him attending school and having therapists or assistants come in to help, they aren’t comfortable letting someone else take care of him overnight or for such a long period of time.

I think my brother thought I would hesitate and that perhaps spending more time around Connor would make me soften up, so to speak. In a way he was right. I do enjoy spending time with Connor more than I did when he was younger, but I’m not willing to give up my freedom and personal goals so that I can regularly be called upon as a babysitter.

I quite like the arrangement I have now. Taking Connor along on trip isn’t an option. His biological mother doesn’t allow him to leave the country under their custody agreement. And the last time he took a 45-minute flight to San Francisco, my brother described it as the longest 45 minutes of his life. I can’t imagine what a flight lasting more than 10 hours would be like.

If I had to guess, his wife will stay home, he’ll go on his trip, and his ex-wife will go on hers. That leaves his wife staying home, which she obviously doesn’t want to do, but I’m not going to be the one taking care of him. Update three. First, thank you to everyone who offered advice. I really appreciate it, and it helped me realize I wasn’t being unreasonable.

I texted my brother and told him he had two options. Either he or his wife could stay home and take care of Connor, or they could work with local agencies or care centers, and I apologize if I’m not using the correct terminology, to arrange care for him while they were away. I would stop by to see him during the weekend.

I would not be taking care of him myself, and I wasn’t going to listen to any arguments about it. He called me, and his wife joined the call. She said I knew how she felt about other people taking care of Connor overnight, and how his mother felt about it, too. She also said she had never been to that destination before, and that it was on her bucket list.

I told her I was aware of that, and in that case, I assumed she would be staying home with Connor. Perhaps she and my brother could take Connor there in the future. My brother tried to intervene, but I interrupted him. I said I really didn’t care what he wanted to argue about, because I wasn’t willing to listen to it.

As some of you suggested, I again directed them toward local organizations and government agencies dedicated to helping parents of children with special needs, but we got nowhere. I was genuinely exhausted by the whole situation, so I wished them luck with it, and hung up. I started a group chat with my brother and his wife, and told them that from now on, I would visit them once or twice a month.

That meant one of them would have to be there whenever I visited. I would no longer take care of Connor alone. I feel this is a good compromise. It allows me to continue spending time with Connor without being his caregiver. I told them that perhaps we could work toward returning to our previous arrangement sometime in the future, but not anytime soon.

They both responded with paragraphs saying they were sorry, but they had no other choice and thought perhaps I would do this for them. They said the trip could be like a second honeymoon for them and asked me to please continue babysitting him one or two days a month. They even offered to pay me for it. I told them no amount of money would make it worth it.

It isn’t fair to me and it isn’t fair to Connor. He isn’t my child, he’s theirs and they need to start working with agencies now and get him accustomed to receiving care from other people because our parents are getting older and soon won’t be an option anymore. My brother responded that he and his wife would begin the process and would also involve his ex-wife, but asked what they were supposed to do if it didn’t work.

I told them that was up to them. I would gladly join them in researching organizations and benefits, but if they had even the slightest idea in their heads that I was going to do for them what our parents do, they were completely out of their minds. His wife asked whether I would consider getting training and learning how to care for Connor the way they do and I immediately rejected the idea.

I’m more than happy to be the fun uncle who stops by and hangs out, but I value my independence and I won’t allow it to be compromised. Eventually they both simply responded with thumbs up emojis. His wife said she would stay home with Connor and wouldn’t go on the trip and they said they would see me in two weeks to hang out.

We’ll see what happens then, but at least I’m not stuck taking care of him and there will be someone there who can calm him down. I’ll do my best to keep encouraging them to expand their support network and look into other options and programs that can help them with Connor. I think doing so would greatly improve everyone’s quality of life and prevent another situation like this from happening.

Edit: Some people advised me not to visit when my brother is about to leave because they might say they’re going out for a date night and then return 10 days later. Coincidentally, I happen to have a getaway out of town scheduled for those dates. Regarding long-term plans for Connor, they are working on them, but they’re still at the we can handle it stage even though situations like this demonstrate that they can’t.

I agree that they should be working on a a for when they get older and can no longer take care of him. Update four. Once again, thank you for all the comments and advice. They’re very much appreciated. I went over to my brother’s house to spend time with him, my sister-in-law, and Connor. I realize it was strange that I’ve been calling her my brother’s wife this whole time.

My brother ordered pizza and played with Connor while my sister-in-law and I hung out in the living room. Surprisingly, my sister-in-law apologized. She said she was very sorry for the way she had acted. She explained that coming from the Midwest and her particular family, where she is an only child, she was very accustomed to seeing uncles and aunts take her and her cousins for a few days or weeks whenever their parents needed to do something.

They would have sleepovers and things like that, and there were always parties at different relatives’ houses on a fairly regular basis. Based on her friends and the fact that their families did more or less the same thing, she had assumed it was very common. She hadn’t expected my sister or me to reject that kind of relationship and be so strongly against it.

She said she now understood that she had been trying to impose what she considered normal and would do her that to respect my wishes from now on. I thanked her for that. My brother came in with Connor, and while Connor played nearby, my brother said that he and my sister-in-law planned to go to therapy to help them accept that Connor was growing up and begin planning for the future.

He said it had been foolish to think our parents would always be there, no matter how much they both wished that were true. He hoped that within a few months both women, my sister-in-law and Connor’s biological mother, would feel comfortable enough to start letting him stay overnight in respite care with people trained to handle children like Connor.

My sister-in-law joked that she hoped that maybe in a few years they could all travel to the destination my brother was going to visit. I was glad to hear that. I told them I was very happy they were making progress, but I also wanted to make a few things clear. I would be happy to go with them to look at care centers and assisted living facilities, I believe that’s the term, where Connor could live when the inevitable happens.

I would be happy to make sure that if something terrible happened, their assets and savings were used to provide for Connor and his needs. I would visit Connor in those facilities when he was living there. I would not take on any kind of caregiving role now or ever. That simply isn’t something I want to do. If they ever tried what they had recently attempted again or brought up the subject again, I would go low contact or no contact.

I said all of this more politely than I’ve written it here, but that was the gist of it. I’ll accept being called an  for this, but I took some of your advice and made it clear in case they still weren’t getting the message. I would never let Connor end up on the streets, but I also wouldn’t let him live with me, and I would never become his guardian or adopt him.

I would make sure he was with people who could handle him and care for him properly. They both took it pretty well and were glad to know I would make sure their wills were properly carried out if the time ever came. My brother apologized again for our last argument. I told him I accepted his apology, but politely asked him never to request something like that from me again.

I reminded him that while his dream had been to become a father and have a family, my dream was to travel the world. I’m going to start doing that soon, probably taking trips lasting no more than a week at a time, but I was never going to sacrifice my happiness and youth to become a caregiver. I love Connor, but he’s my nephew, not my son.

And I love my brother, too, but there are certain things where I draw the line. We hugged and had a good rest of the evening. So, that’s everything. I really, really hope they keep their word. I’m so emotionally exhausted by all of this that I genuinely don’t think I could handle another situation like the one that happened before.

But here’s to small steps and small victories. Update five. The good news is that my brother, my sister-in-law, and my former sister-in-law all came around and were able to make peace with Connor going into respite care. He’s doing very well there. The bad news is that I’m back to having no contact with any of them. So, a lot of things happened.

After a few months, my brother managed to get my sister-in-law and his ex-wife to agree to respite care. It wasn’t particularly easy for any of them, and Connor didn’t react well to the first attempts. But thanks to some truly amazing staff members or caregivers, and I apologize for not knowing the correct term. He managed to stay in their care for a few days, and eventually for as long as 2 weeks.

My brother and sister-in-law were quite nervous at first, making lots of calls to check on him and things like that, but they’ve been able to take some trips they wanted to go on. I was pretty happy for them, and Connor has also improved quite a bit overall. They’ve said he’ll probably never be able to live on his own, but he has far fewer meltdowns, and generally he’s just practically nonverbal with some stemming behaviors and habits.

Additionally, my parents sold their house and moved into a retirement community, where they also seem to be enjoying themselves quite a bit. Now for the bad part. My uncle hosted a Christmas party to which a large portion of the family was invited. My brother, my sister-in-law, and Connor couldn’t attend, and neither could my parents. I went and had a good time.

During the party, another uncle, whom we’ll call Jeff, approached me and asked whether I could watch his 16-year-old daughter Stacy for a weekend while he and his wife attended an adults-only wedding in another state. He and his wife are somewhat overprotective of Stacy, but more in the sense that they don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone for an entire weekend, rather than being full-blown helicopter parents.

Stacy is a good kid, apart from calling My Chemical Romance dad rock. I told him, “Sure.” Stacy was there, so I told her we could go to Disneyland one of the days, and that she could bring a friend. It would be my treat. She was incredibly excited, and honestly so was I. I hadn’t been to Disney in a few years. Good news, or so I thought.

The following weekend, I went to my brother’s house to drop off a few things and hang out. I told him and my sister-in-law that I wouldn’t be coming over that particular weekend because I would be taking care of Stacy for the weekend, but I would come by the following weekend. He said that sounded good, but my sister-in-law went quiet.

Then she said, “Oh, well, you can take Connor to Disneyland next weekend, too. I think he’d like that.” I told her no. My parents had taken him to Disneyland 2 years earlier when he was younger, and they left after about an hour. They said it had been a miserable experience for Connor, and that he had been extremely overstimulated.

I told her that if they ever wanted to go to Disneyland, I would gladly accompany them, but I wasn’t going to take Connor with Stacy and me when they hadn’t even taken him to Disneyland themselves to see how he would handle it. I said it wouldn’t be fair to any of us to be stuck dealing with that situation. She exploded.

She went on a rant about how much he had improved, how much better behaved he was, and how many more coping skills he had developed. I told her I knew. I told her I was proud of her and my brother for helping him get to where he was now, and that the last time we talked, I had made it clear what I was and wasn’t willing to do.

Taking Connor out for an entire day without either of his parents was firmly in the I’m not willing to do that category. That was it. She continued ranting about what a terrible uncle I was, and how it was a good thing I didn’t have children. I told her I agreed with the part about not having children. I don’t think having kids will ever be in my future.

I like children, but I couldn’t imagine raising one myself. She shouted several insults at me and stormed into her bedroom slamming the door. I asked my brother what the hell that had been about. He told me she was in some groups for parents of autistic children, and people in those groups had been shaming her for having uninvolved aunts and uncles, meaning my sister and me.

I asked him what they meant by that and listed everything I’d done for Connor, whether financially or otherwise. He said he knew and that he had mentioned those things and explained them to both his wife and the parents in the group, but they seemed fixated on the idea that if we didn’t take care of him, did we really love him? Apparently, even her own family had been giving her a hard time because my sister and I don’t babysit Connor, take him on outings, or have him stay at our homes.

He didn’t defend those people, but he didn’t condemn them either. I asked him, brother to brother, whether they were still going to therapy over all of this. He said yes. He explained that she genuinely loves him and Connor, but she’s also a people pleaser who has a lot of family values that aren’t being fulfilled.

He said she had become very sad when our parents sold their house because they could no longer have Connor stay with them the way they used to. They still visit him and see him a few times a month, but it isn’t the same as before. I asked whether there was anything else he felt comfortable sharing. He said their therapy sessions usually ended up turning into her insisting that he ask my sister and me to become more involved. I was stunned.

I reminded him how many times I had said I wasn’t going to do that and how my sister had practically gone low contact or no contact, yet his wife was still bringing it up. He said yes, but she would never be happy unless she got what she wanted. He begged me to give in. He would pay me.

He would pay for my time off. He would move closer to me if that was what it took. I told him no. None of that was going to happen. I wasn’t going to do any of those things. I told him I thought the three of us, my brother, my sister-in-law and I, had reached an understanding about what my role would be and that they had promised to respect me.

He was crying saying, “I know, I know.” But he continued talking about how much it would mean to her if I could just do some of the things she was asking for. I knew it was a lost cause. I gave him a big hug and told him I would always love him. I also went over and hugged Connor. I told my brother I was sorry, but I couldn’t do this anymore.

I couldn’t keep being bombarded and harassed with these requests. It wasn’t fair to me. I asked them both to stop contacting me and to let my parents know if anything important happened so that my parents could pass the information along to me. He sat on the couch stunned as I left. I felt horrible, but the thought of being asked to do the same thing over and over again was something I couldn’t imagine continuing to go through.

I called my parents and told them what had happened. They were upset, but they understood. They were very unhappy that my sister-in-law had continued insisting on this after saying she would stop. I told them I was going to change my phone number and asked them not to share it with my brother or his family. I also told my parents that I didn’t mind them mentioning my brother and his family in our conversations or talking about them because I don’t hate them, but I asked them not to bring up the subject of us getting together or talking again. I

don’t think that’s something I could mentally handle. To be safe, I called my apartment management office the next day and asked whether I could break my lease and move to another complex they owned in a different part of the city. Fortunately, they were very understanding and had no problem with it. So that’s everything.

I’m glad Connor is doing better now and that my brother and sister-in-law can take trips on their own while he’s being cared for. I’ll probably take a trip to Europe this summer to clear my head. I really wish things had turned out differently, but in the end, all of you were right. Nothing I did was ever going to be enough for them, and I had to go no contact to make them stop.

I genuinely hope things go well for them in the future. I will always love my brother and Connor. I’ll just have to love them from a distance now. Also, Disneyland was incredible. Holy cow, Galaxy was amazing, although I still can’t get over how expensive everything has become. Update six. I’m in my early 30s and I’ve been dating Jessica, who is 29, for a few months.

We’ve known each other through mutual friends for about a year. We recently became more involved and are now dating. Jessica is very family-oriented. After we’d been in a serious relationship for a few months, she wanted me to meet her two brothers, two sisters, and her parents. It felt a little early for me, but I agreed. Her family was very kind and welcoming toward me.

Although her two brothers are huge sports fans while I’m a casual fan at best, we got along very well. Her sisters were also very kind and were interested in hearing about my travels around the world. Her parents were nice as well. Overall, it went much better than I had expected, and I was glad to have met them. I’m not as close to my family as Jessica is to hers.

Although I’m close to my parents and my sister, I’m no contact with my brother and his family. I’ve posted about them before if you want to read those posts. After I met Jessica’s family, she asked when she could meet mine. Normally, I wait longer before introducing someone to my family, but since things had gone so well with hers, I decided to agree.

I told her my sister would be in town in October and that we could meet up with her together, then meet my parents afterward. I thought that was a pretty good idea. Jessica seemed to agree, but then she remembered I’d mentioned having a brother with a family and asked when she could meet them. I told her I’d been no contact with them for about six months, and then I explained all the problems we’d had since I was in high school.

I told her I didn’t hate my brother or his family, but my mental health had been better since I I that decision. My sister, who is also no contact with them, and my parents are aware of this and support it. Although my parents do so reluctantly. Jessica was a little surprised by this. She told me she understood that I had problems with my brother and his family, but she hadn’t realized things had gone so far that we’d completely stop speaking.

I told her I’d tried to make things work, but the two of them, especially my sister-in-law, didn’t respect my boundaries, and going no contact was the only way to make them understand. I mentioned that I still send them Christmas presents, including my nephew Connor, and contribute toward the cost of Connor’s additional treatments and therapies.

However, I haven’t spoken to or seen them in about 6 months, and my life and mental health have improved since then. Jessica went quiet after that. She asked whether I would ever stop her from seeing her siblings. I told her no. If she wants to see her brothers, sisters, or parents, even if I were to have a falling out with them, I wouldn’t stop her or tell her she couldn’t.

She’s more than free to do so if she wants. It isn’t my place to tell her otherwise. But at the same time, she can’t tell me that I have to see my siblings or my parents, either. That’s my decision. Then she asked whether she could meet my brother and his family. I thought about it for a moment and said that perhaps in the future, if she really wanted to, she could, but I wouldn’t accompany her to meet them.

I told her I wouldn’t break up with her for meeting them, but I would consider it if she met with them and then tried to convince me to resume contact. I explained that I was happy with the way things were now. She nodded and said she understood. Things have been going well since then, but she’s been making comments about how unfortunate it will be if our families meet and my brother and his family aren’t there.

She said her family really couldn’t imagine completely cutting contact with a sibling, much less one who has a family. I told her I’d be happy to sit everyone down and explain why I did what I did, but that I had my reasons. She asked whether I would ever reconsider having them in my life, and I told her probably not.

I won’t say never, but I really don’t see it happening. She said okay and was very quiet for the rest of the evening. Am I the I really like her and her family, but I’m very firm about maintaining no contact with my brother and his family, no matter how uncomfortable that makes her. Here’s an editor who wasn’t invited to Disneyland and is upset with the original poster.

This final post by the same original poster is a tangential story related to the first one, so it’s included because it seems relevant. Since it’s only been 8 days, we’ll have to see whether the story develops further or ends here. And